On a snowy November day, my daughter Kit and I were organizing four boxes of Christmas tree decorations, dividing them between us. Kit, now living on her own, wanted to set up her own holiday tree. However, for me, unpacking the ornaments meant confronting years of loss and sorrow for children who were absent during the festive season.
Over eight years, our family grew and shrank with the addition of 23 foster children. Most placements were temporary, and during our fostering journey, our two children became part of our family through adoption. I was surprised to discover that Kit remembered the stories behind each handmade ornament, even those crafted by individuals she had never met. It was astonishing to realize that many of her holiday memories differed from mine.
As I opened a box, a tree topper we received as a newlywed couple caught my eye. The iridescent angel had a crack between its wings and body, held together by Krazy Glue. Although our marriage did not survive, I handed the angel to Kit, unsure if she would want it due to its fragile state. Her eyes sparkled under her festive reindeer hat as she gladly accepted it.
“Mom, remember when I always wanted to be the one to place the angel on the tree but thought I wasn’t tall enough? You think I’ve grown enough now?” Kit chuckled, and so the angel found its new home with her.
In another tin, I found a Santa sleigh with reindeer ornament, crafted by an eight-year-old boy we once fostered. It was made from foam blocks and pipe cleaners at a foster family Christmas event in our community. Reflecting on the past, I felt a mix of lingering grief and frustration over the boy’s situation. Despite our efforts, he was not granted permanent wardship after years in our care, and we lost touch with him. Kit, sensing my emotions, took the ornament from me, reminiscing about how we always placed it at the bottom of the tree for playtime.
Our family’s approach to making the Christmas season inclusive for our foster children was heartfelt. We adjusted our Christmas dinner dates so that the children could celebrate with their families on Christmas and Boxing Day. We started a tradition of giving each child unique ornaments to keep as a memory of their time with us, allowing them to decide whether to leave it behind or take it with them upon leaving our home permanently.
Unwrapping another reindeer ornament, made of pompoms, ribbon, googly eyes, and pipe cleaner antlers, brought back memories. This silly ornament, along with its matching pair, was lovingly crafted by my then nine-year-old son, who humorously dubbed them “Big Balls.” Dividing ornaments during my divorce twenty years ago was not new to me, as we carefully split our belongings, including holiday decorations, ensuring fairness even down to sharing the reindeer ornaments.
Kit’s reflections on the ornaments and their significance in her Christmas memories highlighted the impact of our family’s past experiences. Decorating the tree this year feels different, with Kit’s joyful perspective overshadowing any lingering sadness associated with the ornaments. I eagerly anticipate seeing her decorated tree this holiday season.